Praying
by Bushy Squirrel
Summary: Lucifer has wandered off alone to contemplate everything that has happened. Michael follows to find out what's going on.


Lucifer sat in the rear-most pew of the church in the outermost spot, slowly moving from bead to bead on the rosary that hanged from his fingers as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He soundlessly mouthed the words from Hail Mary as he paused on each bead, his eyes anchored on the cross hanging in the place of prominence behind the altar at the front of the room.

"I never figured you as the type to pray to a human," a voice muttered off to the side, causing Lucifer to pause mid-word. Lucifer shut his mouth with a snap as he let out a sigh before turning to the source of the voice.

"She's not listening, so why not?"

"Don't let a Catholic hear you say that," the voice cracked. "They just may take your rosary away for such blaspheme."

"What do you want, Michael?" Lucifer asked in minor irritation. He hadn't expected to be followed.

"I came to find out why you're here. It's not…typical of you to put any importance on one of the human religions." Michael sat down in the pew as well, but he kept a fair amount of space between Lucifer and himself. It was clear that Lucifer wanted to maintain some kind of personal space at the moment.

"Roman Catholicism has its merits," Lucifer admitted. He turned his gaze back to the cross and let a pregnant silence grow before continuing. "Sometimes you have to ask why."

"Ask why about what?" Michael pressed.

"Why does Father do anything? Why did he create anything to begin with?"

"You and billions of humans have been asking that very question for a long time, Lucifer. I don't think we're ever going to get an answer." Michael turned to look at the cross as well. "Life is just another one of the lessons Father loves so dearly."

"A cruel one at that," Lucifer added with a huff. He looked down at the rosary hanging from his fingers and moved to the next bead, continuing the sequence of prayers under his breath. Michael remained silent as he listened to his younger brother recite prayer after prayer, his own thoughts wandering off to the many questions he wished he could get answers for. But, like the answer to the meaning of life, Michael knew he would never get them. That was something he accepted long ago. When the final words of Hail Holy Queen caught his attention, Michael turned back to Lucifer and gave his brother a concerned look.

"What, specifically, brought you here, Lucifer?"

"Did you know that the damage done to humans when they're in extended isolation can also happen to us angels?" Lucifer asked curiously. Michael's brow furrowed in confusion, not seeing how that answered his question. "I learned this first hand. It can make one do things far outside their normal behavior."

"Lucifer," Michael began, not really knowing how to continue. It was obvious that Lucifer was referring to his time in the Cage the first time around and what that had done to him. Michael making comment on something he didn't do anything to prevent was a mine field at the best of times.

"I knew the moment I saw Gabriel that he wasn't going to leave that motel alive," Lucifer let out in a quiet tone that Michael had to lean in closer to hear. "I knew and yet I did nothing to stop myself. My favorite little brother, the one who I taught everything I knew, just…"

"Gabriel was far from naïve, Lucifer. The only thing he blamed you for, the only thing he blamed us for, was the arguing. If he understood what the Cage did to you, and I bet he did, he didn't blame you for what happened at Elysian Fields. He knew exactly what he was doing when he stood between you and the Winchesters," Michael assured Lucifer.

"Excuse me for saying that I'd prefer to hear that come from his mouth and not yours," Lucifer commented. A tear slipped down his face as he looked back up at the cross and moved the rosary back to the starting position as if he were going to recite the whole thing again.

"Have you spoken with Castiel about this?" Michael asked, grabbing Lucifer's immediate attention and making the younger angel turn to look at his brother again.

"Why Castiel?"

"He was forced to kill Raphael, just as you were forced to kill Gabriel. Castiel will understand how you feel. And don't give me that look, Lucifer. You and I both know the situation forced you to decide between killing Gabriel or letting him kill you," Michael explained before addressing the dark look Lucifer had begun to give him.

"Regardless of the situation with Gabriel, I should have found a way around it. And do not get me started on the many mistakes Raphael made following our fall into the Cage, Michael. Believe me when I say that Castiel did us all a favor in keeping Raphael from taking your place in the ranks of the Host," Lucifer hissed. "The healer was not meant to lead, regardless of what his ego said."

"Alright, fine. We won't talk about Raphael. But Castiel still feels a lot of regret over how far he had to go. I think speaking with him would be beneficial to you," Michael insisted.

"I owe Castiel a few conversations before getting to that one, Michael. He and I won't be talking about our feelings any time soon."

"Very well," Michael sighed. He decided he would give in before he inadvertently pushed Lucifer too far. A change in topic was due. "Out of curiosity… Why Roman Catholicism?"

"I, like so many of our siblings, dabbled in basically every single religion that humanity has to offer. Some of them are quite ridiculous – I have a few suggestions that I think you would get a good laugh from – but others have their merits. I chose Roman Catholicism because of the focus they put on penitence," Lucifer explained. He held up his rosary for Michael to take a closer look at it. "Mary may not be listening to all of these prayers I've been reciting, but I know Father is. I have no way to show just how much I regret everything I've done other than how the humans do it. I have no other way to tell Father just how sorry I am. It's probably the ultimate irony, but at this point I no longer care. I just want Father's acknowledgement, if not his forgiveness, Michael. That's all I want now. 'Finding God' the way the humans do is probably the only way I'm going to get it."

"Father still loves you, Lucifer. Never doubt that," Michael began. He was beginning to understand that he was seeing his younger brother approach the lowest of the lows, and he made it a priority to prevent Lucifer from hitting absolute rock bottom. "He hasn't been around in a long time, but Father still loves us all. I'm sure… I'm sure that he will eventually come back from wherever he went. He's certainly not dead, like Raphael tried to claim, because Death would have told us if he was. You know the Horseman wouldn't remain silent about something like that. Not when he, personally, will be the one to reap Father."

"I'm not sure I'm going to be able to wait that long, Michael. Father may not return for a long time," Lucifer stated.

"I'll help you wait, then. I let Sam pull me into the Cage with you two because I refused to leave you alone a second time. I'm certainly not going to do that now, when you need me the most." Another tear slipped down Lucifer's face as he tightened his grip on his rosary.

"Alright," Lucifer whispered. "Alright."


End file.
